Illusions
by sixbynine
Summary: He thinks he's here but he's not. He thinks he's away but he's not. Warnings for self gratification


I stop and stare, frozen unable to move. My fingers twisting each other, my heart beats so hard. Your breath is warming my neck shifting small strands of hair. Your arms wrap around my waist and I fall back into safety. I keep falling, forever it seems and I wish I will never stop because this is like heaven, to let go and know you will catch me.

Your hand stills mine, and I relax the nervous twisting stops. My shirt falls back to where it was the material screwed up. You cover my hands with yours and breathe gently near my ear, the sensations setting me on fire. I want so badly to turn around and see you but I know the minute I do the spell will be broken and you will be gone.

I press your hands into my chest feeling the pressure of your warm hands on my skin; I love this, this alive feeling. The burning the tingling that you can make me feel.

A hand slips into my boxers and I let my head fall backwards. Small gentle strokes make me gasp. Slowly they speed up and become rougher less rhythmic, my breath comes in short gasps and pants. Roughly the hand moves along me fast and rough and with a cry I climax. Turning to embrace you the illusion is broken and it's then I realise that the hand was my own and the warmth my imagination.

I am left alone cold and shaking in the emptiness of my bedroom.

* * *

How can I face him after this? Logically I know that he cannot possibly know what happened. But inside me there is a fear of discovery. A worry he will look at me and somehow KNOW what I feel and what I've done and be disgusted and hate me. 

He stared at me for a second before moving on, he knows something's wrong but either doesn't care or is leaving me to my privacy. I'm not sure which one I want.

The day passes and I steal glances at him looking at him move around, I notice that, on occasion, he looks at me to.

Later he called me over a worried look on his face. Part of me is excited to spend time alone with him, part of me is terrified he somehow knows,

"Are you ok Sasuke?" he asked me his voice quiet, concerned

I nodded not wanting to speak in case he heard it in my voice

"You seem distracted, I've noticed for a while" he said trying to get and answer out of me

"I'm fine" I replied "just tired"

He nodded "try and get some sleep, ok" he ruffled my hair and my blood raced at his touch.

Silently I left before he noticed something else was wrong, I could feel his gaze on me as I walked away, it burned into my back, it felt perfect.

I walked through my empty house stripping off my clothes as I went. Naked I stood in my room, the same as yesterday, but this time there is no delusion, I knew it was my own hand stroking me, my own rough rhythm bringing me to my climax. But I wanted it to be his so badly, collapsing forward as I came I cried his name and lay still breathing heavily.

"Yes?" his voice answered and I smirked at myself, so I still believed he was here even after telling myself he wasn't

"What do you want?" and I froze, completely still and then I heard it; the sound of someone moving closer and kneeling by my bed

"What do you want Sasuke?" he said again lower "me" it wasn't a question

I was still lying frozen afraid to turn, partly because I didn't want him to disappear partly because I did.

This hand ghosted down my spine a finger tracing each bump of it. I couldn't help it letting out a low moan I roll over and face him,

"Yes" I replied breathlessly and he smiled pushing me back onto the bed. It's then I notice he is just as undressed as I am, briefly I wonder when he took of his clothes. As his lips press against mine I decide it's not really that important.

His actual touch is far better than my imagined one, it traces patterns on my skin, causing sensations I didn't know existed. They are everywhere at once it seems, inside me, outside me, brushing, stroking, driving me higher until at last I collapse into him shouting his name,

"Kakashi!" he smiles and cries my name in return falling into my arms and surrounding me with his warmth.

* * *

up unitl i wrote the word sasuke about half way through..i had no idea where this was going, seriously i didnt even know which anime i was writing for let alone which pairing. the pairing only happened right at the end when i typed kakashiXD...thats what happens when you let me get bored.. 

my first story which mentions but doenst descibe smut, inf act the draft had the word SMUT written in big letter on it cause i was gonna put some in, it made my friends laugh... this is my first kakasasu and my first self gratification...wow lots of firsts XD


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